Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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