mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
