are you so shy because you have an std?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
