I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
