super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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