Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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