The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize