Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize