just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
