I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
