so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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