I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
