i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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