This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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