We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
