In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
