the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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