We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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