we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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