I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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