Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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