cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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