Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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