I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize