I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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