We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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