we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
