Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
