I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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