Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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