I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
