I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
