i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
