Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
