I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
