For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
