the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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