Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
