I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You left your phone here
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