He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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