the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
