This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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