wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
