Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you inspire me to be a worse person
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
