big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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