My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
