i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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