she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
