was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
