is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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