Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
