just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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