dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
