So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize