Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
