yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
