he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
