I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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