if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
