Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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