We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
MIDGETS
????
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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