I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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