3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
