I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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