Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
