Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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