I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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