I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
