I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
