ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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